If You Ever Had a Doubt….

OMG! I was updating the app on my phone today that helps me keep track of my cycle.  As I began searching for the symptoms I am having, I began to laugh.  Out loud.

Not a hearty, full laugh…more like a nervous giggle I guess.

I imagine I looked like a loon laughing at a menstrual app, now that I think about it…..

As I began picking from the various choices, I noticed it took quite a while to scroll to the bottom of the list.

Take a look at what the choices are:

SYMPTOMS

• Abdominal Cramps
• Acne
• Anxiety
• Astriction (Huh?)  Turns out that is a nice word for constipation based on the picture they chose to use.  Gross.
• Backaches
• Bloating
• Body aches
• Breast sensitivity
• Breast tenderness
• Cervical firmness
• Cervical mucus
• Cervical opening
• Chills
• Confused
• Cramps
• Cravings
• Diarrhea
• Dizziness
• Dyspepsia
• Fatigue
• Flow
• Gassy
• Headaches
• Hectic Fever
• Hot Flashes
• Insomnia
• Irritability
• Itch
• Migraine
• Moody
• Muscle Pain
• Nausea
• Neck Aches
• Night Sweats
• PMS
• Queasiness
• Rash
• Shoulder Ache
• Social Anxiety
• Spotting/Bleeding
• Stress
• Tension
• Trouble Concentrating
• Vomiting
• Weight Gain

MOODS

• Angelic
• Angry
• Anxious
• Assertive
• Bashful
• Blues
• Bored
• Confident
• Cranky
• Depressed
• Disappointed
• Distrustful
• Dynamic
• Embarrassed
• Emotional
• Evil
• Excited
• Exhausted
• Flirtatious
• Forgetful
• Frisky
• Frustrated
• Furious
• Sad
• Grumpy
• Harsh
• Homy
• Hopeful
• Ill
• In Love
• Indifferent
• Industrious
• Inspired
• Jealous
• Happy
• Jubilation
• Lonely
• Mischievous
• Misery
• Bad
• Nesting
• Neutral
• Normal  (No such thing)
• No Patient
• Panic
• Peace
• Playful
• Good
• Proud
• Pure
• Satisfied
• Secretive
• Sexy
• Shame
• Silly
• Smug
• Stressed
• Stunned
• Surprised
• Tense
• Torment
• Unsafe
• Weird
• Worry

When you witness a symptom of PMDD in someone, it is only the tip of the iceberg of what is actually taking place inside.
Be kind to yourself and each other.

So, ladies, it is no wonder we are so irritated (I mean, complex….).  These are not just words listed in a post.

These are deep emotional roadblocks and can be a destructive force to everyone around us.  I think words can be used too loosely  to describe pain sometimes.

Take the word “stressed” for example.   You probably hear people say they are stressed all the time.  “Oh! I’m so stressed”.  Really?  Are you really that stressed, or are you doggone annoyed life is not going your way at the moment and you’d rather have a different outcome?

When a woman with PMDD says “I’m stressed”.  Her body hurts so bad she can barely move.  Her brain and body shut down.  Exhaustion overtakes her and there is no choice but to put her head down.  The stress paralyzes her mind and body and she cannot take one more second of misfortune or she might decide it is no longer worth fighting with this world anymore.

So what reaction do you have to stress?  Next time you hear your wife, daughter, mother or friend with PMDD say “I’m stressed”.  Listen more to what she is not saying and what is lurking under the surface.  She doesn’t have the strength to tell you the rest.

Guys, be patient.  Be kind.  Be love to your partner in this life.  These symptoms and moods are for the most part out of her control.  Truly.

Over time, we can recognize the symptoms if we are fortunate enough to realize what it is.

We can excuse ourselves when we become acutely aware of our mind and body during this time….and 90% of what you see, hear and even feel is not personal.

One last thought.  Ladies, we also cannot use PMDD as an excuse to lose control.  We will lose control, but over time, learn from it.

Learn your own symptoms so well you can spot when you end and PMDD begins.

Embrace it, even, and know the people around you are important enough to fight for.

Fight the urge to say what is on your mind and just walk away from conflicts when you know it’s not you talking.  It isn’t how you really feel anyway.

No one knows the depth of your pain.  They cannot know unless they’ve experienced it.  I know you want desperately to make everyone understand you are hurting.

I understand you don’t want to be alone in your rage.  It is a frightening place to be.

Learn your own methods to pull in your words, actions and feelings for a split second so you are able to excuse yourself.

Educate those around you.  Have conversations when the storm is calm.

Let them know when you do leave, you are not mad at them.  It is important for them to know they’ve probably done nothing wrong or at least their offense is minor compared to how angry it’s making you.

PMDD is a bully.  But it is does not have to win the fight in the end.

Don’t give up.

You are stronger than you know.

We will figure this out together…..

Helping Friends and Family Understand PMDD

I found a video that paints a visual picture of the struggle.

Interesting to see this make the news at all.

Let’s get the word out there.

Mother/child conflicts, broken marriages, teenage girl “rebellion” and so much more can be explained with more awareness.

Misdiagnosed bi-polar, personality disorder and depression is an immeasurable casualty of PMDD as well….

Let’s figure this out together!

The biggest source of information is from Cat Hawkins. She’s been working on public awareness for 5 years.

I highly recommend going to her website: Meet my PMDD

The Hidden Injury of PMDD

“I wanted to quit because I was suffering. That is not a good enough reason.” – Ted Corbitt

I almost decided not to write about PMDD.  The thought of sharing what is considered a mental weakness leads to an automatic assumption that I am a little off my rocker.  No comments please…

No one intentionally judges someone with bi-polar disorder or depression.  It is a slight shrinking away from the unknown and the unstable.  PMDD is similar to being bi-polar.  The difference is the consistency.  PMDD will hit every two weeks like clockwork.  About every third cycle, in my case, it is so severe I have to talk myself out of suicide.  My muscles and joints hurt so bad I feel my bones will crumble if I move too fast. Typing hurts.  Rolling over hurts.  The sadness is so deep there is no hope, no joy, no future.  It is only darkness for days and days.  And right as the pain is going to consume my mind and body, my cycle begins and the world is turned upright again as if the previous two weeks never happened.

It is vicious.  It is destructive.  It is painful and it is never ending.

I am told by those around me I am outgoing, extroverted and can do anything I set my mind to to. That is until they see me fall and wonder what happened.

I’ve been just as confused until September 2011, when it became clear there was a pattern to the insanity.

My husband and I were in the middle of trying to start a photography and Real estate business when it became clear we were facing something much bigger than we could have ever imagined.   I would soon discover my ambitions would be pulled out from under me like a ugly, worn out rug.

Up until then, I had hope I would one day shake whatever it was that tripped me up so much.   We thought it was connected to the abuse from my childhood or maybe my walk with God was really weak or maybe I was just a weak person in general.  Maybe, just maybe, if I tried harder, or prayed harder or exercised harder or ate better or something!!!!!  There had to be something I was doing wrong.

After we narrowed the diagnosis, I began facing the fact, I couldn’t do everything I dreamed of doing….and that pain is another post entirely.

I knew something was wrong, but I had no idea the symptoms grew worse and worse as you get older.  It made sense though, as I was moving into my 40’s why the intensity was growing.

Friends only see me when I can leave the house. I venture out when I have energy and drive. This causes so much confusion when I meet new people.  I am vibrant and joyful at first and when I am pressured into social situations during the “luteal” phase, they see a quiet, sad often “sick” stranger they don’t recognize.

I can’t imagine how it is interpreted.

I cancel coffee dates, go two weeks without answering my phone, drop out of obligations I make during my good weeks.  I’ve since learned the crash will come and I have no business volunteering, working, serving or reaching out to anyone.

I’ve lost jobs, quit jobs, started and quit businesses, started and quit homeschooling over and over, lost friends, went on uncontrolled spending sprees, started arguments and walked away from relationships to save them from myself.

I wish at times, I had a physical ailment.  A limp, a scar, a broken bone or even cancer.  At least then, when someone met me they would have evidence of my disease.  They would be able empathize and process the injury in their own mind.

Instead, the injury is inside my mind.  It is not visible unless you live under the same roof.

It is hidden behind a mask I wear everywhere I go.  I can’t escape from the betrayal of my mind and body every month.  It is always taunting me…always waiting silently to paralyze me yet again and destroy everything I begin to build.

I’ve learned not to build anymore.  That is what hurts the most.

I will begin a journey to discover answers.

***Nothing has worked so far and in another post, I will share what I’ve tried and the results……